Word Vomit

Place for me to dump some journal entries I deem good enough to share, prone to extremely long hiatuses.


Schrodinger's Queer

9/22/22

I am in this very weird place with my parents where I think they know there is something gender going on with me, but it's not actually confirmed for them? I don't know if they even think that?

Like, I have the nonbinary flag up in my room, they know my friends call me he/him and Boa rather than my deadname, and my mom has bought me a binder. But I've never outright told them, "hey, I'm trans." And I'M not even sure if they completely understand, either?

I've gotten exactly one question about it from my dad along the lines of "are you gender?" (of course I said no, like a freak) and that's it. It's such a fucking weird situation, and now that I'm actually capable of getting T I have to ask my mom for the insurance that I'm covered by. Do I finally break this silence, or do i just vaguely ask, "hey, how do I find this out?" Would she know? Would she even ask me if I did? Jesus.

Socializing

8/24/22

I have no idea what happened, but somehow my social anxiety has significantly lessened since the start of college. Yes, I did have normal run-of-the-mill 'new place I have to go to' anxiety but, when it came to talking to strangers or even talking in front of a group (!?) I was mostly calm.

I blame it on that guy I talked to during that English 101 icebreaker, he single-handedly shattered my quiet kid everyone avoids mindset I had in high school. I just hope this bout of confidence lasts long enough to get me through to the end of the semester, or at least until I've learned to actually manage the anxiety.